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It seems like this past month has just been awful for alot
of people. Vicious break-ups, bankruptcies, family
illness, people disappearing or dying. Massive amounts
of change happening to people in general.
This weekend I experienced probably one of the most
vicious, and malicious break-ups I could have imagined.
The entire time I just felt bewildered and vulnerable. Like
a ragdoll... no armor, no protection, and depressed as
hell. I couldn't understand why someone would be so
mean and malicious. I mean, breaking up with me is
pretty easy... the guy tells me he doesn't want to date me
anymore for (list a reason). If I cared about him, I cry
and go away. Pretty easy. But this person chose to be
vicious and hurtful... and I just don't understand why
people can do this.
Probably the one thing you can do during this is to realize
the other person's actions are not your responsibility.
Most of the time, you didn't do anything to cause their
behavior. People are sick, and cruel and fucked up.
Especially in the goth scene. I mean, admit it, we're all
part of this anguished, bitter, torn-apart scene
BECAUSE we're anguished and bitter. We were abused
as children, or had our hearts torn out and shredded at a
young age. Most of us have experienced mass amounts
of pain, either emotional or physical, that drove us to
embracing a darker aesthetic.
Take care of yourself. Let yourself cry or break down if
you need to. Tell your closest friends what happened,
and they will support you. Have a binge night... one or
more of your friends can come over, have lots of alcohol
(don't forget to eat, though). Play music... I was
switching between Beethoven's "Ode To Joy" and
Velvet Acid Christ's "Phuckin Phreak" and both really helped.
(Today is lots of Cruxshadows) Watch movies.. horror
movies, old comedies, 80s John Hughes films, or do
what I did... lots of old-school punk/goth movies. We
drank scotch and rum & cokes and watched "Suburbia"
and discussed the separation of goth from the punk
scene in the late 70s, early 80s. It was cathartic. I had
friends from across the country calling me all night to
check on me. Watch the movies, talk about anything and
everything. Feel free to rant and cry if you need to. Your
friends are there to support you and make sure you get
through this... Appreciate them, and accept their support.
If you start to hate your ex, good... anger is cathartic. It
cleanses and burns out the pain and hurt. But don't get
obsessed... better to realize they were a prick/bitch, hate
them for what they did, then file it away and get on with
your life. Because I can promise you, they're getting on
with theirs... and it's just not worth it to try and make
them hurt the way you did. Better to go off and heal,
work on improving yourself... take classes in anything
from dancing to computer languages. Join a gym, go out
to different clubs and meet new people. Lose that ten
pounds that have been bugging you, indulge and order
that custom-made corset,
Tenebrae parasol or the neat
rubber spikey backpack. Self-improvement is the best
revenge.
My favorite quote for the past 3 years: "Tis better to have
loved and lost, than live with a psycho the rest of your life."
Oh yeah... I found this quote: "I want some of those hearts to
say "I hate you" and "A plague upon thee" and "you ruined my
life you miserable little [insert a fitting noun -- like bitch or
bastard] and I hope you spend eternity rotting a slow
insignificant death in the pits of [insert intellectual or religious
equivalent of Hell]
Bitter? Me? NEVER!"
-anon.
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