| Well, I
never expected the movie to be any good. I didn't even expect anything verging
on the scourges of mediocrity. Yet I was completely without prepare for the
horrid little bit of fluff masquerading as a film that i was about to view.
Why did i go to see it? Simply stated, A) Dracula was attractive. Shallow? yes.
And B) it was a vampire flick, i'm sorry but i couldn't resist. (Cliché
ye say? but of course!)
What was so horridly wrong with the film? Well for starters the fact that the
movie attempted (wholly in vain) to be seemingly intelligent by dropping all
sorts of literary allusions to the Bram Stoker novel (Carfax antiques dealing
firm?) that none of the audience (prepubescent teens with the exception of a
couple of hardened cynics such as I and my companion) would even recognize. The
movie as well went to the point of trying to tie in the "legend" of
Dracula to the story of Judas's betrayal of Christ...... oh dear, oh dear.
Not to mention the odd concept of Van Helsing keeping himself alive for
centuries with Dracula's blood that had been rather creatively filtered through
leaches.
Then there's the blatant advertising for Virgin. Frankly I've never stepped
into a Virgin MegaStore where all (or usually any) of the staff are wearing big
Virgin logo tee-shirts. Or any that habitually sleep in them for that matter
(watch the movie for more blatant Virgin plugs).
Perhaps if there was a decent soundtrack.... dear lord, a girl can only take so
much Monster Magnet.
And then the contrived and predictable New Orleans and Mardi Gras settings, the
teen idol cast, the de rigor addition of the sexy news reporter (Scream?)....
etc..
I'm not even going to go into plot.
Benefits of this movie going experience? Yes, even the most horrid of the
horrid has a few perks:
A) Comfy seats (viva mega-bucks conglomerate consumerist movie meccas!)
...though i guess this really has nothing to do with the actual film.
B) Nice cup of chai... again, really nothing to do with the actual film.
C) Good looking Dracula...
D) The old British guy... that goes without saying.
E) A fantastic excuse to get a cheap laugh at the expense of the movie and
fellow movie goers... if you can join the masses you might as well irritate
them.
A good (or bad) piece of cheese, the laughs alone are almost worth the $7.00.
-review by Atropos
Dec 2000
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