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Being single in the Goth scene can be a magical experience. People in
the scene are so beautiful and passionate. We tend to be easily drawn to one
another and have whirlwind dalliances filled with feverish passion and wanton
lust.
You can see this right away in our clubs. Eyes scan the crowd
spotting a gorgeous man or woman. A mischievous smile, a brush of a hand, a
sway on the dance floor and you can be smitten with someone instantly. The
beauty in all of this is that the men generally are not overly aggressive. They
maintain some sense of romanticism and restraint. Especially when compared to
the typical letch you would find in ordinary clubs. This is most charming and
refreshing.
My first experience being single in the Goth scene came at
the tender age of 18. I snuck into
Sanctuary with my friends and we drooled over the
gorgeous older boys. I was madly in love with the typical old school gothic
man—long velvet coat, dark pants, and brooding expressions. I remember one
such gentleman sat himself down on the couch beside me. I was terribly shy. He
said I was beautiful and hoped that I didn’t think he was too forward. I
said no. I think we discussed the music, but the next thing I knew, Mr.
Old-School Gothic is giving me a wonderful kiss.
Sadly, I don’t
remember his name. But there were others after him-- each charming and dark and
passionate. Sincere? Hard to say, but I didn’t care. It was highly
enjoyable at the time.
So eight years later, I find myself single in
the scene once again.
When it came to clubbing and my newfound
singledom, I didn’t give it a second thought. Not until a friend told me
she’d never date someone in the Goth scene because it’s so tiny. And
she makes a valid point.
This isn’t just ordinary clubbing as a
single girl. It’s clubbing in the Goth scene. The tiny Toronto Goth scene,
where you know most of the people and recognize everybody else. You can’t
have an anonymous fling. People will know, or at least speculate. The thought
of having everyone know what I was doing and whom I was doing it with was a
little off-putting. But I had to wonder, could I date someone outside of the
very scene that has become so much a part of me?
The very thing I love
about gothic Toronto is the same thing that makes it a precarious place to
date— the circle is small and tight knit. Everyone knows everyone else.
And while this can be great when you’re out partying, it’s not so
great when you start dating someone. You start hearing stories about one
another, which may or may not be true. And you start to feel extremely
claustrophobic when you realize your new beau has dated half of your
acquaintances. Suddenly, the gothic world feels uncomfortably small.
Then there’s the dreaded breakup. Rumours circulate and secrets start to
come out. Suddenly, everyone knows that you don’t wear undies with your
PVC, and they know exactly what you like to do with your handcuffs in bed. Then
there’s the feared run-in after the break-up. You find yourself avoiding
Savage for fear of seeing your ex.
So for a time you go into self-imposed exile. Not good.
If I date
someone outside of the scene, I can avoid all of this. I would be free to do
whatever I wanted, and no one would know. But I must say that I’m
pessimistic. Norms won’t like the same music as me, and it would be the
rare man who would be willing to come to
Savage or
Funhaus with me on a regular basis. And at the risk
of sounding like a massive sap, I would miss the romanticism and feverish
desire inherent in most Goth boys.
So if I’m going to be single,
I’d rather be single and caught up in the debauchery of the Goth scene no
matter how small it is. It’s a far better alternative than fending off the
Richmond Street men, with their octopus-like dexterity, or being with someone
who doesn’t understand my love of the scene.
The Goth boys I know
are wonderful, creative, and many are terribly romantic. Not to mention the
fact that they treat me like a princess. And while my friends may talk and
giggle about whom I chose to date in the scene, I know they will never judge.
Everyone else in our circle may know what’s going on with my date and I,
but it’s my scene, and I’m comfortable in it. It’s filled with
beautiful people and I love it. And that’s why I likely won’t
stray.
So now I wander alone in the sublime darkness that is Gothic
Toronto.
posted November 27 2004 |
Darq Angel has been living in
Toronto for 15 years. An avid reader, writer, club-goer, and music lover, she
has been a lurker in Toronto's gothic scene, floating around quietly, casting
her dark shadow over various clubs and events in the city. 