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“You like Halloween AND Christmas? Do they allow that in your
little goth club, or will they revoke your membership?”
Har har.
Indeed. It’s one of the many smarmy comments I let slide off of me like
water on PVC. The ignorance of my co-workers is more amusing than annoying. In
fact, it was this little jab from a middle-aged colleague that served as
inspiration for this column. Goths and Christmas—a dark delight or
agonizing hell?
Polling some of my friends in the scene, I found that
most of them enjoy Christmas. I personally love it. Some will say Christmas is
the antithesis of Goth—you know, Christ’s birthday, and all that
happiness, goodwill and cheer. Well, that’s the opinion of silly people
who think we worship satan and live in perpetual gloom. But I choose to
celebrate the holidays in a unique way, a way that even the most ardent Goth
Christmas-hater might warm-up to. I call it the “Nightmare Before
Christmas” approach.
That’s right dear readers! Take the best
of your favorite holiday and mix it up with Christmas, Hanukkah or whatever you
celebrate. Offset that nauseating cheerfulness with a little dark imagery. Make
your own spooky Christmas decorations. Wrap presents in black paper with
smiling skulls. Grit your teeth through office parties by loading up on the
free bevies and dancing up a storm at Savage Garden afterwards. It’s all
about adding a hint of darkness to whatever you do, wherever you go.
As
an example, if you’re like me, you were either too sad or too lazy to take
down your Halloween decorations. So you have a few of those plastic spiders
still lying around, and the fake cobweb stuff hanging in the corners. You, my
friend, are in fact way ahead of the game. Why not just transfer those
decorations to your Christmas tree? Not only does it enable you to put off
packing away the Halloween décor, but it makes your tree a one-of-a-kind
creation. Picture it: Glow-in-the-dark skeletons next to reindeer, bats next to
angels, and the cobwebs look super creepy when expertly applied. (Either that
or you can pretend it’s fake snow. But that’s just lame.) Yours will
be the scariest tree in town. Even the Grinch would steal it for himself.
Oh, but DO remember to hang up some mistletoe somewhere in your abode. I
don’t know about you, but there’s something about drinking spiked
eggnog with friends on a cold night that makes me want to warm up with a cutie
under the twig and berries.
Yes I’m naughty. But Santa still likes
me.
Gifts can be tricky, and shopping for them can be annoying. The
only time I like to be stuck in a body-to-body situation is in a club. At a
mall during the height of holiday shopping, it’s not so appealing. So make
the experience more enjoyable by purchasing “opposite gifts”.
Examples:
For the parent who thinks that because of your
darker leanings you worship the devil and spend all your extra time breaking in
your bondage gear:
Have a little fun and fuel their misconceptions with a
wildly Goth prezzie, like a leather choker studded with skulls, PVC hot pants,
or a little devil squeeze doll that says , “Merry Christmas- Now touch my
pitchfork!”
The look on mom/dad’s face? Priceless. Consider it a
gift to yourself.
The annoying younger copycat friend/sibling that tries to
mimic your gothic ways, but has no clue what the scene is about:
Try a
Hilary Duff CD, or music by some other pre-teen no-talent, and pink fuzzy
slippers. Just beware that you don’t run into any of your pals while
making these horrendous purchases. They’ll never let you live it down.
Actually, now that I think about it—this would also make a GREAT gag
gift for your uber-Goth friend. Oh, the hilarity! Talk about a Kodak
moment.
And I know that most people like to top their presents with
bows or tinsel. I say toss a few of those mini spiders inside the tissue paper
of the gifts you give. It ups the entertainment factor tenfold. Trust
me.
Baking is a big holiday tradition. Even those of us who aren’t
inclined to cook tend to venture into the kitchen and bake a batch of Christmas
cookies. Oh, sure, gingerbread men are charming, and cookies shaped like bells
and Santas are all very Christmasy. But let’s face it, all that sugar and
cheer can get nauseating. Time to bring out the Halloween cookie cutters.
That’s right kids! Make bat-shaped sugar cookies, shortbread crosses and
gingerbread spiders and spread the spookiness! Your friends will love you, your
parents will think you don’t have enough money to buy proper Christmas
baking accoutrements and give you cash, and your co-workers will think
you’re either creative…..or maybe crazy.
Last, but not
least, our home away from home, Queen West. It’s probably the least
audaciously decorated retail area in the city, once you pass The Bay and Eaton
Centre. You barely get the sense that it’s Christmas, which is a nice
break from all the crass commercialism, not to mention the nutty shoppers. But
one of the coolest things about our scene is our clubs even celebrate
Christmas. Last year, the Vatikan held an all-ages Christmas party. Savage was
open Christmas weekend. And while I myself did not venture out, I heard from
many others that Christmas weekend on Queen West was fun and full of holiday
spirit. Or maybe it was all the spirits in the eggnog that was enjoyed. Who
knows? Either way, we throw good parties, whether it’s Christmas,
Halloween, or Easter. Religion be damned, we just want to celebrate and have
fun.
So my dark readers, those of you dead set against the idea of
Christmas, I hope this has enlightened you. Even the most scrooge-like among
our scene can get a few kicks out of the holidays. All it takes is a touch of
darkness to make it through that tinsel-laden cheer.
Merry Gothmas to
all, and to all, a spooky night.
posted December 9
2005
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Darq Angel has been living in
Toronto for 15 years. An avid reader, writer, club-goer, and music lover, she
has been a lurker in Toronto's gothic scene, floating around quietly, casting
her dark shadow over various clubs and events in the city. 
