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My dear Gothic pets, can you believe it’s been a whole year
since I began sharing my blunt observations on the Toronto Goth club scene? As
such, I came to the conclusion that this column should be a special one. So how
does one go about doing that? Well, I decided to turn to you, dear readers. It
is you who have read my columns, sent emails, stopped me at the clubs to
express your loves, your hates, your rants and your raves. And I appreciate all
of it. In return and in commemoration of my one-year anniversary, I thought I
would bring back one of my most popular columns, “The Nickname Game.” You won’t believe the
number of emails I got in response to this one. The consensus appeared to be
that, ‘Hey I do that too! And I thought I was the only catty person in the
crowd’. No my darlings, you are never alone in the eventful sport that is
people watching. So herewith, “The Nickname Game- Part 2”.
Thanks for reading.
Power Yoga Master with Butterfly
Wings
I am not a yoga fan. I’m much too lazy to exercise, much
less try and stick my leg behind my head (well, come to think of it…..) so
I apologize in advance if I have my yoga positions wrong. But from what I have
seen of yoga, this girl goes at it hardcore, whether she realizes it or not.
She does these crazy combination moves: The Sun Salutation, the Tree, and the
Warrior. All this with the added bonus of the butterfly-like flap of the arms.
Watching this performance makes for quite the floorshow. Her dancing
blurs the line between the creative, yet bizarre. Mesmerizing, yet highly
dangerous. You see, when one normally dances, it’s natural to move your
arms more than your legs, or vice-versa. But Power Yoga Master manages to
achieve both. All her limbs are everywhere at the same time. Good Lord, you
cross this dancer with the Kung Fu Fighter (please refer to Nickname Game Part
1 for the descriptor) and it would be necessary to evacuate the dance floor for
reasons of personal safety.
Prop Boy (aka “I’m So Lame I
Need a Gimmick” Man):
I’ll preface this by saying that
it’s men who do this for the most part, as women know better than to
resort to such measures.
Prop Boy is not hard to spot. It’s the
man who wears or carries something so odd that you can’t help but stare.
There are several Prop Boys floating around the clubs-the loud cowboy hat, the
cape, the devil horns, and the jammies. Prop Boys are EVERYWHERE. And
let’s be honest here, this is not a method of self-expression, I
don’t care who you are or what you tell me. It’s a ploy to gain
attention, plain and simple. Think about it- if you wander around with
something really strange, you’ll get several stares and maybe even a
cheeky comment, like “How long is THAT?’ or “May I caress your
flannel?” And wham! Prop Boy is engaged in conversation with some
girl.
In my opinion, the prop methodology is a lame, nay, sad way of
getting a girl’s (or guy’s) attention. However it is just a hair
better than using the line “Are you in pain baby? ‘Cause it must have
hurt when you fell from heaven.”
Hmmmmm….. or is it?
The Leaner:
Ok, this guy (and it’s only men. I’ve
never seen a girl do this) is hilarious when you first walk into the bar right
up until the end of the night when you leave. The Leaner does just that-he
leans against the bar, checking out the girls ordering drinks and shaking it on
the dance floor. It’s the perfect perch. First, the bar has brighter
lighting so he can actually see the girls and scope out the ones he finds
attractive. Secondly, there are always girls there because we need our drinks.
It’s also an easy icebreaker. Alcohol is the easiest topic of conversation
to start up at a club. For instance, it can start at the simple “What are
you drinking?” up to the lewd “Have you had an Orgasm? Why not try
Sex on the Beach?” The best received is the tried and true, “May I
buy you a drink?” which girls love.
The point is that despite the
ridiculous premise, he’s got a great situation going without even trying
hard. He spots the girl, makes the requisite alcohol-related comment, and while
the girl is waiting to order and receive her drink she’s stuck there. This
provides The Leaner with a good chunk of time to make his move. It’s
smart, if not incredibly lazy and it’s not quite as creepy as the Bathroom
Patroller, the ones who park themselves beside the little girl’s room to
ogle the babes.
But at the end of the night, The Leaner goes from sad to
pathetic. That’s because last call has passed, but he’s still leaning
against the bar, watching the last few girls on the dance floor, and hoping
against hope that he will snag any one of them. But you see, The Leaner
doesn’t dance. My guess is because he’s got a nasty curvature of the
spine or his elbow is too sore from propping himself up all night.
Enjoy the people watching, people. It’s awfully fun.
posted
March 25th 2005
revised March 31st 2005 |
Darq Angel has been living in
Toronto for 15 years. An avid reader, writer, club-goer, and music lover, she
has been a lurker in Toronto's gothic scene, floating around quietly, casting
her dark shadow over various clubs and events in the city. 